If you aren't familiar with my blog, I am a guy who loves to bake, and one of my favorite things to bake is cheesecakes. For a living I am a carpenter and have been running my own business for a little over 3 years. I am married with a 1-yr old daughter and another due in November.
So let me explain. I have been desperately trying to run my own business, while working an almost full time job, spending time with the family, and trying to build furniture for our new home. As you can imagine by my opening sentence up there, I have been failing miserably for most of this year. I have been over worked and under paid. I have been grumpy and irritable. I work until I'm so exhausted that all I can do is come home and fall asleep in the floor while playing with my baby girl. I have picked fights with my wife and probably been a pain to live with. But it's finally time to admit that this little venture did not work and I gotta get out there and earn a living. That's a hard thing to do though. If you've ever started a business you can probably relate. It's not just a business, it's a part of you, and to admit that it failed often requires admitting that you failed. Some people might not have a hard time with that, but for a guy like me whose greatest passion in life is starting things, it's hard to watch it end sometimes. I've failed at many things in my life. Like singing...I was thrown out a window my freshman year in high school because I wouldn't stop singing in English class and it was driving the other kids crazy. Obviously the teacher had left us unattended. I am a terrible singer and I'm ok with that. I failed at learning to play the guitar, even though just last night I had a dream that I was jamming out with my buddy Ryan and he was totally impressed. Meanwhile, back in reality, I failed at learning to play because I wasn't dedicated enough to make it happen.
The difference though is that I never had my identity tied up in being a singer or a guitar player, but I have tied my identity to being the owner of a small business. That's the difference, failing at what you consider to be who you are is devastating. But it is all a matter of perception. Because, after all, I am not really a business owner. I never owned anything, except maybe the tools to do carpentry work. A business is not a tangible thing, so how completely ridiculous is it that I would define myself by being the owner of it. Even defining myself by my carpentry skills (some smart-mouthed individuals might say "what skills") could be a bit silly, because who I am is not about what I do but about what I am on the inside. Which might be scary to dive into. I'm not very nice to people most of the time. I cuss like a sailor(thought they got nothin on us Marines). I have done a horrible job cherishing my wife. I complain about everything, nonstop. If asked to describe me, I'm sure some of these details would come up. On the bright side, I am typically very generous. I go out of my way to help people. Aren't these the things that define me, rather than the fact that I build things for a living? Aren't these the things I will be held accountable for before God, and not the fact that I built fences instead of writing computer software?
So these are some things I have been learning as the failure of my business has come to an end. I phrase it like that because this has been a long drawn out process. It's not like everything failed overnight. It has been a series of events, bad decisions, laziness, and sometimes just plain bad luck drawn out over time. And now, as I wrap up the final jobs I have scheduled I have faith that everything is going to be fine. I'm not sure what next week is going to look like. I don't know what I will be doing next month or how things will play out exactly, but I know that God is faithful and will take care of my family.
On the bright side, now I don't have to work 12 hour days to be broke....I could do that sitting at home on my couch if I wanted to. Ha ha...but seriously, I am looking forward to having more time at home without the stress that comes from trying to get a job done on time and on budget. I hope to have more time to play with my baby girl, and to truly cherish my wife, and to make pies!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because life is just better with pies.
So be on the lookout for new posts and new pies. I'm sorry I left you hanging without any delicious stories for the better part of this year, but it's time to get back into the kitchen!! See ya out there....